1. The check is in the mail.

2. I promise I won't cum in your mouth.

The two most undisputed, biggest lies ever spoken of all time. And always spoken with a tone of conviction to convince the other party to relax and believe what they are being told is utterly and completely trustworthy.
1. Landlord: "It's the 5th of the month, and I haven't received your rent check!"

Irresponsible tenant: "Hey man, no worries, the check is in the mail!"

Landlord: "Yeah right, that's one of the two biggest lies in the world!"

2. Girl about to give head: "I really hate the taste of cum, I swear it will make me gag. So, please promise that you'll let me know before you finish, OK??"

Horny dude: "Don't worry baby, I promise that I won't cum in your mouth..."
מאת Butt Boy 1975 18 באפריל, 2011

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